Before I became a mom, I never realized how much of yourself you lose when you take on the job of motherhood. In the beginning, you’re knee deep in a sleep-deprived euphoria marveling and worrying about all things newborn. Somewhere in those first few years, you don’t notice your identity is being hijacked and replaced by the all-encompassing title of “mom.” And not just your kid’s mom either because now your head automatically swivels every time you hear a little voice cry out “mommy” on the playground or in the grocery store.
Whatever dreams, hopes, and waist-size you had has fallen by the wayside as you’re consumed with potty training, milestones and the hunt for the perfect preschool. How much of your dreams do you sacrifice for the needs of your family? Of course, being moms, there’s pre-bundled guilt that accompanies those thoughts – am I neglecting my family, not spending enough time with the kids, etc.
Let’s face it, as exhilarating and life changing as motherhood is, sometimes it’s just not enough (or maybe it’s too much). Of course, it goes without saying many women (show offs) have been able to juggle the two with panache but I believe there are just as many who are struggling to find a balance, a sense of purpose outside of motherhood.
And in the book The Mothers of Reinvention: Reclaim your Identity, Unleash Your Potential, Love Your Life, by Jennifer Pate and Barbara Machen (also known as Jen and Barb), not only do they assure you that you’re not alone and it’s ok to feel this way, more importantly, they give you a plan of action to reconnect with your goals and dreams and incorporate them into your life.
Inspiring to say the least!
“I think we have a hard time with the role of [what] being a good mom is,” says Barb via telephone, “and I think we need to realize that being a good mom means, as Jen said, having something for yourself, it makes you a better wife, it makes you a better mother and this whole notion of giving it all to your family is really, it’s a crock, it’s not healthy. It doesn’t make you a good mom, it makes you a mean and angry mom.”
Jen and Barb met like many moms do, in some type of kid-related activity. In their case, it was eight years ago in a Mommy and Me class for their toddlers and they quickly connected. Both women call Los Angeles home, but Jen is a Chicago transplant and Barb migrated south from northern California.
Through their friendship the idea for the web series Mom Life was born. Their web series covers everything from cooking to lifestyle to health and beauty, all with the mom in mind – single or married. Coke recently came on board as a sponsor and 92 episodes later, they’ve now birthed a book giving mothers a blueprint on how to reinvent their lives.
Creating the book seems like it would be a natural progression. They spent a year writing, talking to other women, going through the experts they had had on previous shows and looking for those life-changing moments.
“We really started talking about the steps and the process we took to reinvent ourselves and the amazing part for me was that when we reached out to these other women for their stories, we learned they had gone through a similar process and we were like wow! There are real steps to take, there is a real format to reinventing yourself,” remember Jen.
The result is a book that is part inspirational, part self-help and part workbook; a recipe for success when used correctly. I love the chart for age-appropriate tasks for kids. It’s a reminder that kids are very capable of helping out and that chapter guides you into creating a dialogue with your family to make the reinvention process a joint venture.
There are also other chapters on building your village, getting your house in order and putting that much needed pep back into your step. There’s no magic bullet or “secret” to attaining the life you want to live. What Mothers of Reinvention shows us is that if we roll up sleeves, make the time, and put in the work, it can happen. There are examples through out the book of women who made the leap of faith and landed in the middle of their dreams.
If there’s one take away from the book, it’s “to have something that their [women] are passionate about in their lives, outside of the role of a mother and a wife… to have a piece of the pie for themselves,” says Jen.
Bon appetit, Mama!
Sibylla Nash is a Los Angeles-based freelance writer and author of the novel Bumped.
